"Oh yeah, you're that dancer girl!"

I love you. So much.

I just want you to know that no matter what may happen to us, I will always have a part of me that will always care about you, worry about you, support you, laugh at you, cry for you, be there for you, and love you.

Why? Why? Why? Why? Thats the one question on my mind. Why do I never hear from you anymore? Of course, you haven’t been asked that question from me because I haven’t had the opportunity to talk to you. I’ve tried. I’ve texted you a couple times, and even called you, but did I get a response? Ha that’s a funny joke, what’s hearing back from you, never heard of it. You’re slipping away from me, and the scary thing is, I’m not even sure you notice. Talking is all we got. You live in the opposite side of the country, so it’s not like we have the luxury of not talking for a couple days and then seeing each other to work things out. News flash, reality check, what fucking ever, we don’t talk anymore. I’m your girlfriend. Not just some girl who isn’t important, because I thought I was important. But now you’re acting like every other guy I’ve dating who was just plain scared to tell me that they aren’t interested anymore, so they think it’s okay to ignore and not talk to you, so maybe you get it then. Before you, I thought I loved another guy too. It was about two years ago, but I didn’t hear from him for two weeks. Didn’t return my calls, didn’t return my text, so then I come back from being at the beach, and the day that I get home from the beach, the day of, he calls me up and breaks up with my ass. Hurt like hell. Ive never been that hurt/played before. So you can only imagine that that’s what I’m feeling is going on right now. Im miserable. Constantly glued to my phone because I don’t hear from you so much, I don’t know what I would do with myself if I missed a call from you. I’m losing you. Why can’t you just tell me? Why?

I want to punch whoever said that senior year was supposed to be easy right in the face. It most certainly is the opposite of easy. This year has been the hardest year of my life, and it’s all catching up to me right now. I’m stuck in this horrid mood, and I don’t know how to escape it. I’m in a mindset where I hate everything, and that nothing is exciting to me anymore. I haven’t been to church in a while, so I think that’s part of it. I seem to prosper so much more when I really try to incorporate God into my everyday life. The process of college auditions is enough to drive the average audition-y crazy, but on top of the airports, judgmental people, traveling, spending so much fucking money, and time spent away from school, I have a dance rehearsal, been Elle woods in legally blonde, keep up my school work in my ap classes, choreograph dance numbers, attend voice lessons, maintain my friendships, play the lead in my school play, and that’s probably not even all of it. I never thought I would experience that phase all artist go through called “burnout” but I think that’s what I’m going through on top of my senioritis which I know for a fact I have. So many things are stressing my out, and so many things are just plain irritating me. I have a friend who hates my guts. I can’t stand when people are mad at me, so when I hear that he tells people that I am mean, that really gets to me. I slowly lose my friends around this time of year. I’ve gotten used to is, ya know, you just hang out with them a lot after competition. Well, it really hurts when you haven’t had a chance to do that, and every single person you call your friend and that you can trust are going to spring break, and not one of them invited you. Really hurts. I’ve given up looking good at school. It’s not that I don’t not want to straighten my hair every morning, or put on make up or a cute outfit, I just don’t have any motivation to do so. I used to be the it girl. The hot girl of the grade that every boy found attractive. Now, im not so sure that stands to be true. It’s hard feeling like people are now not even giving you a second look. I’m constantly complaining about school. I like nothing about it. No one seems to understand that these so called “classes” I’m taking aren’t going to help me with what I want to do in college and as a career. So I’m basically in the mind set of not doing school work, and it sucks because my grades are slipping. Three months ago I met the love of my life, (well I hope so). I just kinda met him at a college audition, and then poof! Next thing I knew I was dating him. He’s not normally the type that I go for, but clearly I have found the true type for me. He makes me laugh like no other, and treats me like I’m a princess. I really do love him, and I’ve never said that to a boyfriend ever. The only problem is that he lives on the other side of the country in California.. I would do anything for him. I don’t want to be with anyone but him. The only problem is this long distance thing is really really hard. Not hearing from him is the worst thing ever. Our phone conversations always have to get cut short, and he seems to be busier than I am, which I didn’t think it was possible. I don’t think he realizes how down I get when he doesn’t text me back, or doesn’t say anything at all. It’s hard not having him here to pick me up when I’m really feeling like I can do nothing right, like today. I need a change. I can’t go on feeling like this. But I don’t know how to fix it? Do you?